They say that time heals a broken heart and I have to admit it has taken some time to get to where I am today. For those of you who have followed this journey since it began, you have seen my heart in most every entry. I don't feel like I have held back airing my frustrations. There is sometimes a hopelessness when you feel like you are so alone in the world, but i know there are hundreds of other moms out there right now feeling this exact same way.
I realized last night as I perused Facebook that I no longer feel like punching someone in the face
resentment and anger when I see other parents' posts of their children eating their 1st birthday smash cake, spaghetti, Cheerios, etc. etc. etc.
It's silly and definitely my own issue, who would think you could feel so ANGRY looking at an adorable picture of a chubby kiddo with colorful icing all over their face....
GUILTY
I'm talking MAD folks.
I guess any one out there in the same situation knows what i am talking about.
The anger when I go to the birthday party at one of my closest friends home or even family and every child is covered in that nasty bright orange Cheetos cheese and there are orange fingerprints on every surface.
Enough to make my head spin.
I finally feel like after two years that I have control of each day.
Honestly, it has taken me two years to finally stop feeling sorry for myself.
I have always said, "It could be worse..... we are so blessed" and we are.
but i have been feeling sorry for myself
and for some reason, not realizing why everyone around me has not had to change their lifestyle when I have so drastically had to change mine.
There will always be frustration and resentment.
especially with that parent who leaves the post on face book
Just had to run to Target to pick up sugar free, not threatening, hypoallergenic, peanut free non fun Easter Egg fillers for H's school
Nice huh...
This is a true FB post on one of my friends walls. I know he meant nothing personal to me by it. But I took it personal....... you think, so much so I was able to go back and find it on his wall from Easter 2011.
Jerk.
That I may never be able to get past.
But the rest of it.
I am growing up
Like a boy scout I am always prepared.
I think God had to let me grow up through my journey so I would know how to help others dealing with these same issues.
Happier post next I promise :)
2 comments:
you amaze me every time we talk (which is basically daily)
love u
rr
Your honesty touches my heart! We have all been or still are where you have spent the last two years. It's been 15 months since Nathan's diagnosis and most days/weeks are good, but I'll admit it... my heart is still stuck in that "broken" stage. Most days it's pushed aside as I enjoy the many wonderments of our joyous, most precious Nathan. But it's still there.
Mixing Nathan's EleCare every morning I silently groan to myself about how much I hate it, but in the same thought I think how can I hate something that has saved his life and provides precious calories for his body to grown and thrive?
Thank you for showing that it's possible to get past these feelings. :o)
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